Overheard at Cafe Loup

Hello everyone. I apologize for my lateness, but you see, I was fascinated just steps from the front door here by a man I can only assume to be homeless, clipping his toenails. When I encounter true humanity at that level, I must stop and appreciate its wonder, no matter the consequences.

How is everyone? Daddy, good to see you. Mother, Ellen, Diana. You all look wonderful! I'd compliment you individually, but we don't have the time.

Let's view these menus!

You're all going to love the food here. Tonight marks my twelfth visit. And I'll let you in on a little secret - before coming here, eleven visits ago, I was a "grab-a-slice-of-pizza-type" ruffian. It is this restaurant that introduced me to the pleasures of fine cuisine. Escargot? Yes. Thank you. I will.

And we should order two of them tonight. Each serving is far too much escargot for one person, so two orders should be plenty for all of us to sample. If you haven't had escargot, I don't want to ruin it for you with description, but it is delicious.

Who likes beets!? They have a simply devine beet salad here you are all going to love. We'll order that as well.

Happy Birthday to me!

Ah! Oh, I have an announcement to make. I am in the midst of quite a personal and professional dilemma. Yours truly has been offered a distinguished position as the director of development for a small non-profit. I've been handed the keys! I would be running the show! The orchestra tunes, the curtain opens and there I am, center stage!!! The catch? A $10,000-a-year pay cut. Quite the quandry.

Daddy, I'm sure you'll have an opinion on this - but first, what will everyone be having for dinner? The casoulet is wonderful. I'll be ordering that and I insist at least one other person at this table order it as well. Ellen, you'd enjoy the swordfish. It has an eastern asian sensibility that will appeal directly to your sense of adventure and relative unease. Daddy, the steak frites are both delicate and rugged, I suggest them and if you try to order anything else, I will insist upon them. Mother, you will have the duck. And Diana - casoulet for you. If you don't like it, we can discuss why you're wrong over dessert.

Everyone! Have you heard? Daddy and I will be attending the opening night of Jazz at Lincoln Center! Daddy, I meant to bring the tickets tonight, but I am a hare-brain and left them on my mantle. I have no excuse.

But - Jazz! Opening night! Third row seats. No, I don't know anyone important - apparently I am important. It's really a question of prestige over compensation, this new employment opportunity. Daddy, let's discuss at length over dinner before opening night of Jazz.

Are there presents? Ah - Ellen, you didn't have to get me anything. But a DVD, that is a surprise. Day for Night! La Nuit Americaine! That's the French title, which of course, I know for two reasons. Number one, I am a fan, nay connoisseur, of anything committed to celluloid by Truffaut and, number two, I already own this film on DVD. But thank you, I will either return this to the store for refund, exchange it at the store for a film I don't already own, or regift it to a friend at a future date. At any rate, it's a perfect gift for my birthday celebration, and I thank you.

We need wine! Waiter, please bring the wine list. Daddy, if it's okay with you, I will narrow the selection of wines and leave it to you to choose a bottle for which you feel comfortable paying. Red? Does everyone agree on red? Ellen, don't worry about your swordfish, the earthy tones of a husky merlot will underscore the asian spices beautifully. And Diana - a red wine is truly perfect for the casoulet. You have nothing to add to this conversation.

Should we order? Waiter - two escargot, a beet salad, and some papas fritas - Ha Ha! That was spanish and a hilarious joke. We want the pommes frites of course. I think those will get us started. Then for entrees, we'll have two casoulet, the swordfish, the duck, and the steak frites. Please note who I was pointing to as I gave you each of these orders for it will be that person who should receive each dish.

I've narrowed the wines. Daddy - take note of the 38, the 47, and the 66. Those are prices, not years - no one at this table could afford a wine from any of those years, especially not me if I agree to this employment offer with its higher degree of power but $10,000-a-year pay cut. Mother, you must have an opinion on that. Tell Daddy tonight before bedtime and he can tell me over dinner before opening night of Jazz at Lincoln Center.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must make haste to the mens room.