Fag Football

I live in Chelsea.

Chelsea houses a lot of gay men.

So I was buying a delicious Nova Scotia salmon bagel at Murray's this morning when I noticed a flyer that said, "Inaugural Season: GAY FLAG FOOTBALL. All skill levels welcome."

Often when I see flyers like this, they, at first glance, seem to be advertising typical "straight" things but they are actually advertising gay sex parties. So, I took the flyer and went to their website. Amazingly, "GAY FLAG FOOTBALL" is not a euphemism for anything. It's actually gay men playing football against each other.

Check out this picture:

You gotta love that in the gay flag football league, they play with two balls.

Emboldened by this discovery of Chelsea-based gay sports leagues, I picked up another sports themed flyer. It said, "COCKFIGHT!"

Gay men watching chickens kill each other!? Awesome.

But - no. It appears to be gay men slapping their dicks at each other in a boxing ring while wearing masks. Here's their website.

I won't post a picture here.

And honestly, if I had read closer I would have known. There's tiny print on the bottom of the postcard that reads, "No animals will be hurt in the making of this party, but a few cocks might be sore the next day."

Now, I'm not gay, but for sheer spectacle and hilariousness, I'd much rather watch two dudes fight each other with their cocks than play crappy, no-tackle football. A gay guy in a mexican wrestling mask straddling another gay guy and slapping his head with his giant penis is...ridiculous. And something nerds would never do.

Nerds play bad flag football. Nerds would never slap each other with their dicks. Call me elitist, but I like my gay sports nerd-free.