May The Farce Be With You

Last Wednesday night, I ended up at the midnight screening of the new Star Wars movie at the Ziegfeld. This was the theater and the showing attended by the hardcore fans who had been in line for weeks. At least 40% of the audience was in costume.

Some were clearly homemade, like the C-3PO with cardboard boxes on his arms, legs, and torso. And some were strangely inspiring - like the woman in an electric wheelchair wearing full jedi robes.

And some were girls like this one:

BUTTERFACE?

Yes, apparently some Star Wars nerds are hot girls. But I think it's pretty safe to say that pretty much the entire Ziegfeld audience was comprised almost entirely of nerds and nerd girls the nerds would like to sleep with.

So who did the powers-that-be at the Ziegfeld get to emcee this premiere event?

Drag Queen Hedda Lettuce!

The Self-Described "Queen of NY Comedy!"

Yes, Hedda Lettuce. Cause there's nothing a theater full of horny, straight nerds loves more than a drag queen...who knows absolutely nothing about the Star Wars movies.

Hedda didn't even try to cater her material to her audience. She made lots of puns, tossed the word "fag" around a few times, and accused many people of being secretly gay (typical drag queen stuff). It was mostly a harmless trainwreck that got little attention from the geeks focused on waving their light sabers in the air and getting one last pic with the guy walking up and down the aisle dressed like Vader.

But just before the movie started, Hedda got serious. She spoke from the heart: "Gay, straight, bi, lesbian - we're all here to watch this film. Star Wars has brought us together. Let's keep it that way!!"

Oh Hedda, thank you. Your heartfelt sentiment is both misplaced and meaningless.

Like most of the dialogue in the film.

ZING!