Talker Stalkers

The hate mail has started pouring in from my EW article. Hundreds of impassioned and humorless people who don't understand the term "tongue in cheek" wrote e-mails to the magazine to complain, lecture me about talking back to movies, and sometimes...threaten me bodily harm.

E-mails like this one:

To: Letters - EW
Subject: 'A Movie Talker Defends Himself'

Hi ew_letters person,

Do you know Anthony King, author of the article, 'A Movie Talker Defends Himself?' Because if you do, can you do a favor for me? Go over, and punch him in the neck as hard as you can manage, for the years of stupid movie commentary he has provided to unwilling audiences. If you are not a particularly powerful person, or otherwise handicapped in a manner that would prevent an effective and painful blow, please delegate this to the nearest hulking brute you can find. After punching the hapless Mr. King, please inform him that he should go $@%* with a cactus.

Regards,
G.R.
Utah

This dumb dude is angry!

He doesn't just want me punched - he wants me punched IN THE NECK!

I do like that despite his fierce, violent anger, he has enough control to address the concern that perhaps the person who EW employs to read their reader e-mails might in fact be weak or physically impaired.

But my favorite part is that after I am beaten, he does not want me to "go fuck a cactus," he wants me to "fuck with a cactus."

Which is something I could kind of see myself doing anyway.

MORE TOMORROW!