Get Tight

Meet TJ Hoban:

He's one of the models/spokespeople for a fat burner/nutritional supplement called TIGHT (a product I just saw advertised in a very retarded commercial).

TIGHT is a revolutionary product that promises to get your body in shape and help you "Get Noticed Today!" Though in the FAQ on its website, there is definitely one dispiriting question and answer:

Q. Does the product get your muscles tight?

A. No, it does not.

Well, that's a disappointment. But the most disturbing questions are written by customers on the website's message board - yes, the website has a message board.

all3njg:
Would this be ok to take with Muscle Milk?

Muscle Milk? What the hell is Muscle Milk?

Oh - It's Nature's Ultimate Growth Formula!

Julie:
I recently got some Tight and some ephedrine. I read the labels, and it explicitly says not to stack Tight with ephedrine. Anyone know why? Or even better, has anyone taken this stack (one pill of each in the mornings) and experienced any severe negative side effects?

She continues: "I really, really want to take Tight and ephedrine at the same time, like really bad. It would be so awesome. So so awesome. Please?"

"Angela" is more cautious in her post titled "Exceeding Tight Dosage Recommendation":

Angela:
Hi all,
Is it okay to take 2-3 caps instead of 1 cap per day? Don't want to have a heart attack and all.

Yeah, Heart Attack = Not TIGHT

But my favorite thread on the message board is one titled "side effects?"

Guest:
any negative side effects? anyone?? how much weight can u approx. lose per week??

all3njg:
it made me really really hyper.... couldnt sit still... just wanted to talk talk and talk... it was crazy hahaa

Lena:
Was it a good or bad feeling?

Poor, poor Lena, she has a hard time in social situations - especially social situations with people who are batshit crazy and hopped up on Muscle Milk.

I guess that's why not everybody can be TJ Hoban.