Mustang Tally

Last year, I traveled to the west coast and learned a few things about Los Angeles and its doughnuts.

I just spent nine more days in Los Angeles, mostly driving a rented convertible Ford Mustang from one studio lot to another. In fact, when I think of the blurry whirlwind that was my trip, all I really remember is driving. The following map outlines all the roads we used.

We used all the roads.

Here are a few other things I learned about LA and its arid surroundings:

--If your waitress is not the smartest person in the world and you jokingly place an order for nine hamburgers - a few minutes later she will bring you nine hamburgers.

--The Fear Factor Live show at Universal Studios is like a glimpse into a petri dish of sadness.

--If you don't want to try to explain the fact that you placed the order for nine hamburgers as a joke to a waitress who is definitely not smart, you will have to cancel the ahi tuna salad you ordered and instead do your best to consume nine hamburgers.

--Local Los Angelenos will excitedly tell you "Oh, you have to go to The Grove!" But The Grove is basically just an outdoor mall. Which tells you a lot about the level of exciting things to visit in Los Angeles.

--Chances are, you could, at some point, end up asking yourself, "Why would any human, no matter their level of intelligence, think that one person would want to eat nine hamburgers?" and you may ask yourself this while you eat nine hamburgers.