Are You There God? It's Me, Roy Giles

I got an e-mail this week from Roy Giles. Roy is trying to raise money for his prison ministry. He goes into prisons and tries to save the inmates from eternal damnation while also teaching them how to be a better parent. Here's a picture of Roy and his family:

Other than this amazing photo, my favorite part of Roy's e-mail is his list of prayer requests for specific inmates and his list of praises for answered prayer requests.

Prayer requests:
Scott - Pray for his runaway niece
Landon - Family restoration & Appeal
Greg - Brother's wife has cancer
Justin - Stay true to the faith.
Martin - That the Lord will work in him & help him through this nightmare.
William - Family Restoration; Appeal; Parole; and More of God
Clifton - Can go home to friends and family soon.
Chris - Relationship with 8 year old son.
Bruce - Family Restoration.
Christopher - family is being evicted
Jerry - Mind of Christ; Parole
Mackey - Needs encouragement from the Lord
Bryan - Healing and Family Restoration

For guys in prison, you'd expect more hardcore requests. "Forgive me for being a murderer." Stuff like that. But even the ones with real problems are kind of disconnected from them - it's Scott's runaway niece, Greg's brother's wife has cancer. Even Jerry is mostly concerned with something that sounds like a Christian superpower: "Give me Mind of Christ. Oh, and parole."

William, on the other hand, would like a little more God. "Can I get just a little more God?" And between you and me, I think Mackey needs encouragement from anywhere he can get it. Poor Mackey. You're gonna make it, buddy.

Here are the praises:
Buddy - God has reached into the very jaws of hell, pulled me back onto my feet and placed me on solid ground.
Chris - Family has visited every weekend since we have prayed.
Skip - I asked Jesus to forgive me for my sins, to come into my life, and make me a blessing to all those around me.
William - Seeing God answer his prayers.
Clinton - I received Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. He replaced that anger hatred and bitterness with love, joy, peace, and so much more than words could express.
Bryan - He was raised in a non-Christian home, he has been praying for the salvation of his mother, his mother has started praying for him.
Robert - I suffered a congested heart, shortness of breath, and weakness. Jesus sure took care of that.

"Jesus sure took care of that!" Hilarious.

I also like Clinton's praise. After the list of love, joy, and peace, there is still more in his heart that he cannot express in words. Perhaps it's a dove?

[Clinton's Prayer - as read on Roy's T-shirt] "Hey Jesus, thanks for the heart full of, um... love, joy, peace...and....that bird."

[Edited by Roy] "love, joy, peace, and so much more than words could express."

Fag Football

I live in Chelsea.

Chelsea houses a lot of gay men.

So I was buying a delicious Nova Scotia salmon bagel at Murray's this morning when I noticed a flyer that said, "Inaugural Season: GAY FLAG FOOTBALL. All skill levels welcome."

Often when I see flyers like this, they, at first glance, seem to be advertising typical "straight" things but they are actually advertising gay sex parties. So, I took the flyer and went to their website. Amazingly, "GAY FLAG FOOTBALL" is not a euphemism for anything. It's actually gay men playing football against each other.

Check out this picture:

You gotta love that in the gay flag football league, they play with two balls.

Emboldened by this discovery of Chelsea-based gay sports leagues, I picked up another sports themed flyer. It said, "COCKFIGHT!"

Gay men watching chickens kill each other!? Awesome.

But - no. It appears to be gay men slapping their dicks at each other in a boxing ring while wearing masks. Here's their website.

I won't post a picture here.

And honestly, if I had read closer I would have known. There's tiny print on the bottom of the postcard that reads, "No animals will be hurt in the making of this party, but a few cocks might be sore the next day."

Now, I'm not gay, but for sheer spectacle and hilariousness, I'd much rather watch two dudes fight each other with their cocks than play crappy, no-tackle football. A gay guy in a mexican wrestling mask straddling another gay guy and slapping his head with his giant penis is...ridiculous. And something nerds would never do.

Nerds play bad flag football. Nerds would never slap each other with their dicks. Call me elitist, but I like my gay sports nerd-free.