Letter #3

Dear Mee-ma,

Thank you for the fifteen dollars you gave me for graduation. I used it to go to Fuddruckers. I'm going fishing at Uncle Don's cabin next week. He said half of it burnt down.

I wish you could have come to graduation but you hate planes.

Love,
Russell

The Beginning of Hate

"Why is everybody on this roller coaster so f%#&ing fat?!"

"Especially Dad. He smells like jellybeans and hamburger meat."

"THEY SHOULD ALL DIE!"

Posted by Anthony King at 01:52 PM | Comments (4)

Fight Club

My friends Eli and Chris just started taking a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu down the street from the UCBT Offices.

Then they tried to get me to join them.

Posted by Anthony King at 05:26 PM | Comments (3)

Tora! Tora! Tonys!

I'm watching the Tony's on DVR so I can fast-forward the commercials and the more boring speeches (I'm talking about you old British people).

At any rate, a few thoughts as they unfold:

--The spice rack of "stars" that rose behind Harry Connick Jr. in the opening montage is hilarious. Glad to see the Tony's have finally embraced the fact that no one outside of NYC knows who any of the nominees are. Therefore - "Hey America! Here's 60 whole people you HAVE heard of!"

--So far this is the Tony's of foreigners. So many awards going to Brits and Canadians. Pretty sad indicator about the state of Broadway these days.

--"And the Tony goes to Emperor Palpatine!"

--That "Drowsy Chaperone" song was pretty boring. Impressive costume changes for Sutton Foster though. Is it a bad thing for her career that she can actually pull off that "disappeared into the chorus" switch? Something tells me you wouldn't be able to take your eyes off Bernadette Peters long enough to pull that off.

--They mention Julia Roberts at every single commercial break. They should just say "Please don't change the channel."

--"Sweeney Todd" rocked it. The medley was a good idea. I wish they had been able to include some of "Johanna." John Doyle is so winning the Tony.

--Holy crap! Joe Pesci! What is he doing there?

--Is the Fourth Season dead?

--Yeah! John Doyle! Pretty cool that a guy who had an artistic vision of actors playing their own instruments on stage, and stuck with it for more than 10 years and many little-noticed productions, finally got rewarded for it.

--Molly Ringwald looks like she just got stung by a hundred bees.

--"Love Is What I Do." That is the title of the song they just sang from "The Wedding Singer." GUTENBERG! was supposed to be ridiculous, but Broadway keeps trumping us.

--"Three Penny Opera?" More like "Three Penny What The Hell Are We Watching?" That show looks horrible.

--Christine Ebersole and a puppet provide the first political joke of the night! That sentence is both factually correct and sad.

--Finally somebody actually seems truly happy to win a Tony! Christian Hoff talking about his dead dad is the first acceptance speech so far that hasn't seemed either robotic or false and rehearsed.

--I didn't know there was a Broadway Stunt-Doubles Union, but they apparently provided the actors for the Hal Prince tribute.

--Oh no! The Phantom forgot his lyrics! Giving us all a second to ask, "Why are we watching a song from 'Phantom?'"

--Finally Julia Roberts takes the stage and basically apologizes for not being very good in her play. Hey America - that was worth waiting for, right? Click.

--Wow - another Brit wins for Best Actor in a Play. Ding Dong - Broadway's dead.

--Is Harry Connick Jr. aware that anyone else is on stage with him? His eyes don't ever focus on anything.

--Holy crap! "Pajama Game" upsets "Sweeney Todd" for Best Revival!? Gay men everywhere just spit up their chardonnay.

--I guess that whole thing about regional theatre Tony voters having all the pull is true. "Sweeney" would never tour nearly as successfully as "Pajama Game."

--How did I never notice that Alfre Woodard has a huge rack!?

--This obituary thing is pretty awesome. Well done, Tonys. Dimming the marquee was a nice, emotional touch.

--Best Play goes, predictably, to "History Boys." They racked up the awards all night. Fun Fact: One of the actors from the play cameoed one night as the Producer when we ran GUTENBERG! in London. He came on stage holding the script. Enjoy your Tony, douchebag!"

--And now a number from "The Color Oprah." Her intro probably just did more for ticket sales than any other performance all night. Oprah is the Pied Piper of ladies.

--This song from "The Color Purple" is perfect. It answers a big question I had about the show. Namely, "Will I ever see it?" The answer? "Hell No."

--End of the song from "The Color Purple" - the stage filled with black actors - they just cut to the white producer of the show. There are some very unfortunate master-slave parallels to draw from that.

--"Jersey Boys" racks up another acting award! Gotta think that seals it for "Jersey Boys" winning Best Musical.

--This Jersey Boy is talking about a dead parent too! He must have been so pissed when his co-star won earlier in the show. Dude totally stole his dead parent thunder.

--Best Actress upset! LaChanze wins the only "Color Purple" Tony. Who saw that coming? One person - Oprah.

--"Jersey Boys" wins. Yet another victory for the regional theatre Tony voters. That show's gonna be HUGE on the road.

--Whoa! Those actor's parents aren't dead! They're hopelessly lost in the crazy beard of their producer.

And blackout!

Tri-Angle

The next phase of evolution has arrived! Sure, doctors pulled this three-armed baby back down into the primordial ooze of two-armedness, but the evolutionary benefits of a third limb cannot be denied. Soon more three-armed babies will be born and like the thunder lizards of yore, we awkward, bungling two-armed humans shall be left to archaeologists and legend.

I'm gonna start a three-sleeved T-shirt factory.