Wa Shu Looking At?

What is Anthony King talking about?

I was a judge on the now completed Project Improviser, and at the beginning of that journey we judges recorded some meandering interviews about longform improv.

As a preview, the creator, John Flynn, and the director, Luke Ward, released those interviews with me and the other judges (Jackie Clarke & Jason Mantzoukas), and for some reason Justin Purnell put them on YouTube where they are to this day.

Well, I was searching for "Anthony King" on the YouTube tonight and I found the video of me (as seen above) and saw there are two comments posted. The first is from "washu2002" who says "Oh I'm sorry, is the video over? I fell asleep." The second is from "annoymenot" who says simply "dullard."

That stings! My talking made someone fall asleep in less than a minute and four seconds! Not that they're wrong, the video is pretty boring and way out of context (I don't recommend watching it).

So I clicked on over to Jason Mantzoukas' video. Turns out ol' "washu2002" has made her way there too. She posts a comment that reads "he's cute. kind of dumb. smoked a little too much pot. but cute."

I'd say a mixed review, but the short sentences and lower-case letters make the comment almost poetic in a "what if e.e.cummings sucked" kind of way.

Well, you guessed it. I clicked on over to Jackie Clarke's video. Our good friend "annoymenot" had left another comment here that reads "THIS person is a judge of who'd [sic] a good improviser? What a world! WHAT A WORLD!"

Hmmm - quoting The Wicked Witch Of The West seems a little self-defeating since she was, you know, wicked. If you follow the logic, then Jackie is Dorothy, which means she must be a great judge of a good improviser (especially if Scarecrow has anything to say about it).

Oh annoymenot, who'd have thought you'd destroy your own beautiful wickedness?

Of course Washu completed the hat trick with a comment on Jackie's video as well. It reads, "oh well, i guess you just disqualified yourself you fat ugly bitch."

Okay. That's not cool. What could we three judges have done to poor Washu to make her feel the need to criticize us so harshly and specifically?

Anthony is too boring!
Jason is too dumb!
Jackie is too much of a bitch!

I had to find out more, so I clicked over to Washu's "YouSpace" page. Washu describes herself as a "fun loving graduate student, open to new friendships in the Big Apple!" Hmmm...me thinks Washu's not so good at starting those friendships.

The comments on the page also make me think that:

iislandpriide: "If I didn`t ask you to comment on my video`s then don`t fucking come through my page talking shit like a dumbass thank you asshole for your bullshit now why don`t you go fuck yourself and stay the fuck off my page bye"

revheatfan: "I'm glad attempting to degrade something that I made when I was still in high school makes you feel like an important and well-respected person. Wait, what's that? You don't feel well-respected? Gee, I wonder why! You seem like the nicest fellow."

rebelprince76: "Ah... it all makes sense now. I go to your page and find many comments from other people that you have verbally assaulted. That's your thing. You like getting people all pissed off. You're even proud of it you poor soul. I'll keep you in my prayers my friend. God Bless."

Of course the saddest part (and the biggest indicator of no friends) is that washu2002 has been a member of YouTube for 5 months. And in that 5 months, she has watched 4,762 videos.

That's 952 videos a month. 32 videos a day. 1.3 videos per hour. Which means:

WASHU HAS WATCHED MORE THAN ONE VIDEO PER HOUR
- EVERY HOUR -
- 24 HOURS A DAY -
FOR FIVE STRAIGHT MONTHS.
What a world! WHAT A WORLD!

And what a boring, dumb bitch.

Oy! I See Dead People

There has been a lot of talk on CNN and other 24-hour pundit sources recently questioning if Israel is being too brutal in their war on Lebanon given the discrepancy between the number of Israelis dead and the number of Lebanese.

I decided to take a look at the death tally in the US-Iraq War to compare.

2006 Israel-Lebanese Conflict:
Lebanese Dead: 834
Israeli Dead: 122

US-Iraq War:
Iraqi Dead: approximately 42,000 (estimate because no one really knows)
American Dead: 2591

Given the fact that America is never wrong, I have to agree that Israel is totally in the wrong in their war simply because their discrepancy is so low compared to our war. Their ratio is a paltry 8:1, ours is a kickass 16:1 (if my math is right, and if it isn't I pray it's at least controversial).

Israel's biggest problem is they have not come up with a fancy name to justify their methodology. We rocked out the slogan "Shock & Awe" at the top of our war. A name like that justifies all kinds of death. They need a good title for their slow march north. I suggest "Dine & Dash" - for the folksy nostalgia.

Of course, I don't think there's really a story here until the number of people Israel has killed tops the US 2006 Summer Movie Body Count. That's up to 4,367 after "The Descent" added 13 more bodies to the pile (and two of those were eaten!). To which I say:

"THAT'S NOT KOSHER!"


("That's not Kosher!" is a trademarked slogan of Anthony King's newest sitcom, "What Jew Talkin' About?," starring Ned Beatty and Sam Levine, coming to The CW this fall. Check your local listings.)

Wasting Time

In a bit of synergistic thinking, NBC and YouTube had a contest for joe schmos to make a 20-second promo for The Office. On a lark, I made one with Scott Brown and Jason Averett (starring me, Scott, Charlie Todd, & Chris Kula).

It didn't win. But the question is why?

Was it because it's not a great idea? And that not-great-idea was not even very well executed?

Or was it because we dared to tackle the inherent racial divide between the American workplace and the so-called National Basketball Association?

I guess NBC doesn't want to deal with real issues in their 20-second promos.

DCM 2006

The Del Close Marathon ended on Sunday night. It was a blast!

But there was also some blasting backstage: