Chorus Chat

Scott and I are going to be on PBS's Theater Talk (seen only in WNET 13 in NYC - sorry Boise!) this Friday at 12:30am and then in subsequent reruns at times viewable only by insomniacs and serial killers.

Here's a clip the show put up on You Tube in which, hopefully, we do not sound too overly self-important.

No Tagbacks

I have been "tagged" by Kate and Chris to write about five things most people don't know about me.

1. When I was a kid, I tried to be a nerd and failed.
At various times in my childhood, I tried really hard to do very nerdy things. I collected comic books for about three months, bagged and boarded like a good nerd, and then got bored. I took up magic for about six months and got tired of that too. In junior high I joined the Math Club, the Social Studies Club, and tried to get into Ultima - but lost interest in all of it. Eventually I found theatre and had to settle for just being weird.

2. My mom believed my birth was foretold by God.
She was an incredibly religious woman (who died a few years ago - you can read all about that here). When my dad and she started trying to have kids, they failed for a long, long time. Then one day my mom was playing the organ at church during an altar call and an older lady she did not know came up to her and said, "God just showed me a vision of you holding a baby with black curly hair and he told me to tell you 'be patient, he has heard your prayers.'" Two weeks later my parents found out about my brother being available for adoption. He was born with blonde hair. At the same time, she found out she was pregnant with me, and seven months later I was born...with black curly hair (that later all fell out).

3. I really love Benji.
When I was a kid I was obsessed with the Benji movies, especially "For The Love of Benji." I once broke down crying in the middle of a church service because earlier that day I had decided to play outside instead of watching "For The Love of Benji" on TV. (My dad took me outside, found out why I was crying, and, I'm sure, immediately decided I was a homosexual.) The recent films, with some lame dog pretending to be Benji, look absolutely horrible, but I still like the idea of an expressive little mutt dog who knows what the deal is and takes care of business.

I love you.

4. I once found a truckload of Nestle chocolate products in a dumpster and kept all of it.
It was in a dumpster at the campground where my family used to go near Kerr Lake in NC. I have no idea why I was digging around in a dumpster, or why there was so much chocolate in there, but I found three grocery bags full of candy bars, cans of Nestle Quik, bags of Tollhouse chocolate chips, and boxes of baking chocolate. When I went to college (probably ten years later), we were still using some of the Nestle Quik I found.

5. Cotton balls make me want to die.
I use Q-tips every day of my life, but I can't touch cotton balls. The texture gives me the willies. Just thinking about them makes me want to throw up. Please do not make me touch a cotton ball. I would rather die by stabbing, burning, or drowning than live by falling into a vat of cotton balls.

I hate you.

Go Go Go Johann

A Glimmer in Schlimmer

GUTENBERG! THE MUSICAL! keeps on truckin'! Last night we started a 10-week Off-Broadway run at The Actor's Playhouse down in the Village.

If you haven't seen the show yet or if you like it and maybe want to see it again -

That Was Queasy

Office Depot has unveiled its new mascot to compete with Staple's Easy Button. It's a horrifying and disturbing creature - a man's hand that pops out of a box and grabs whatever is near it, or sometimes offers up something it has apparently been storing in its box.

The people in the commercial seem delighted by it but I'm pretty sure a sentient hand bursting out of a cardboard box is the stuff of horror films and cloning disasters, not office supplies.

You can see one of the spots here (I searched everywhere for an image of the abomination before God, but unlike pictures of a prolapsed colon - which I was able to find in abundance - the Internet has apparently not yet absorbed this horror.

Office Depot - I was not going to shop at one of your stores anyway (mostly because Staples is a few blocks away and I have no idea where an Office Depot is), but you would be advised to fire whatever hand model you hired to portray this monstrosity and instead invest in something like a big lever that makes office supplies fall out of the sky onto people's heads or, if you must use something vaguely human, hire Jared Leto, change his name to Joe, and adopt the slogan "Meet Joe Leto at the Depot!"

Those are horrible ideas, but unlike your current freak show, they will cause only a minor fight-or-flight response in your viewers.

"Wanna buy a pencil sharpener?"

Get On The Bus

I took a trip up to Boston this weekend and decided to skip overpaying Amtrak and try the Limo Liner instead.

Limo Liner is a luxury bus that leaves from the NY Hilton and delivers you to a Sheraton in Framingham, MA that is built to look like a castle.

Which one is a real castle?

The bus is ridiculously nice. Reclining leather seats with plenty of legroom, endless beverages, a turkey wrap and fresh fruit - served by a beautiful, foreign attendant who is always pleasant, even when the stupidly rich twelve year old sitting beside me typing on her very own laptop somehow simultaneously spilled her drink all over the bus and threw her cellphone in the garbage.

Note: I may have a fetish for Russian girls digging through trash bags.

There's wireless internet on the bus (which is accomplished, I think, via magic). And there's a rumor going around that hour three involves Craisins!

Other Limo Liner perks include:

--A screening of the movie "Invincible" (followed by a Q&A with Mark Wahlberg)
--Bowling (free shoe rental in the state of Connecticut)
--Helicopter rides (departing every 15 minutes from the roof of the bus)
--Men's Wearhouse (you're gonna like the way you look)

My only complaint? It's still a bus.

Midnight Cowboy

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I'm still recovering from the AWESOME New Year's Eve party I went to this year. So many great memories. Here are some pics:

Gina got new tits for Christmas!

Who invited that asian guy!?

Don't fall asleep first!