June 27, 2008
Blanket Fort
Here we go again:
May 05, 2008
Guitar Hero
The latest from our "Songs In the Key of Craigslist" series:
March 18, 2008
Welcome Back
Yet another song from our "Songs In The Key of Craigslist" series.
P.S. I'm still Tumbling.
February 24, 2008
It's All in The Details
The second Craigslist song that Scott and I wrote for Details Magazine just went online.
And - of course - I'm still tumbling.
February 13, 2008
Marching To The Beat of Different Drummers
We have a choice in this election:
BARACK OBAMA:
Or:
HILLARY CLINTON
January 29, 2008
I Love the 08'-ies
My quest to takeover the smallest of screens continues. A few samples:
Someone posted my ESPN commercial on YouTube:
Scott Brown and I are writing songs based on Craigslist posts (all the lyrics are directly from the posts), and Details magazine is getting animators to turn them into internet videos:
An Office (from UCBComedy.com):
And finally - I'm still tumbling.
December 26, 2007
Tumble In the Bronx
I'm joining the microblogging revolution.
I'll keep updating this blog as well, but it's so 2007.
December 10, 2007
Salt Lake Ditty
I'm heading to Salt Lake City this week to see the first ever production of GUTENBERG! that Scott and I had nothing to do with (other than, you know, writing it). I've often said that the show play best with at least a few Mormons in the audience, so it should be awesome.
The theatre company producing it, Plan B Theatre, is apparently known for mostly very serious plays about death and rape and death. Their last show was called EXPOSED, and is described on their website this way:
The state of Utah was downwind of many of the 928 nuclear bombs the U.S. government exploded in the Nevada desert between 1951 and 1992. EXPOSED explores the human consequence of the nuclear history of our state and our nation.
Zing!
So it's a big departure for them. And apparently one that's causing them to have to deal with the whole idea of "FAMILY FARE" for the first time. Plan B's Artistic Director (and the director of this production) wrote this for Catalyst Magazine:
It's been a little surreal fielding phone calls asking if the show is appropriate for kids. It's not a question we usually get at Plan-B. This is what I've been telling people:• There is one F word.
• There is one gay joke.
• There are many boob jokes.
I got one call from a mother asking me if it was appropriate for her 12-year-old son. I gave her the list above. She laughed.
"I say the F word more than I should. And my son is gay, so the boob jokes won't really be an issue."
The show sounds extra funny in list form, doesn't it? Especially since the "gay joke" in the show is a character simply saying that he is gay (Wham!). Also - I only remember writing one boob joke - so this should be extra good (who wants only one boob anyway?).
I do expect good things though based on this preview they put on their website. The delivery is the exact right mix of sincerity and ridicuality, which is a word I just invented.
December 01, 2007
Updating The Lowdown
It's been 65 days since the last time I wrote anything here. But...I've been busy:
--I offended college students in Texas with my cursing.
--I drew a political cartoon depicting George W. Bush looking into an oven at a pie that has exploded all over the inside of the oven. The pie is labeled "Iraq." And Bush is saying, "It just needs a little more time." But then I realized I can't draw, so I just used it as a napkin.
--I picketed with the WGA. (Find out more about why this strike is important at www.unitedhollywood.com)
--I made a delicious chocolate bourbon pecan pie.
--I acted in a parody of NBC's "The Office" imagining the show without WGA writers.
--It did not explode.
--I got addicted to Scrabulous on Facebook.
--Except in my mouth.
--I did an interview with the Salt Lake City Tribune about GUTENBERG!'s current run at the Plan B Theatre in Salt Lake City.
--And I sold a TV show to CBS (co-created by Scott Brown) - which is on hold until this WGA strike ends.
But - it's mostly the addiction to Scrabulous that's been taking up all my time.
JOCK CANE GRATIS!
September 20, 2007
Schlimmergy
When GUTENBERG! was running Off-Broadway, we had a few short conversations about possible product tie-ins. Google? Starbucks? Rolo? (just cause they're delicious). But here's a company we never considered: All Car Rent A Car.
Of course that did not stop them from tying-in with us. Check out this amazing copy from their website:
Car Rentals In New York City and Gutenberg! The Musical! Off Broadway
Get ready to see the hit that's making history (up!) with your car rentals in New York City. When you see Gutenberg! The Musical! Off Broadway with your car rentals in New York City company All Car Rent A Car be prepared for a night of laughter and glee. This production is inspired and smart musical comedy with playfulness that is perfect for the whole family to enjoy.
Apparently they found copy about the show online somewhere, retyped it with tons of typos, and inserted the phrase "your car rentals" over and over again. This is my favorite line:
The people behind Gutenberg! The Musical! Off Broadway...When traveling with your car rentals in New York City not only the performers make the Gutenberg! The Musical! Off Broadway an amazing production but the creative team was well.
It's true, the creative team really only made the show amazing when the audience was traveling with All Car Rent A Car.
But All Car isn't just tying in with GUTENBERG! They tie-in with all kinds of New York City shows and landmarks, including the World Trade Center Memorial:
The tragedy of 9/11 lives on in the hearts of everyone who was impacted, directly, or indirectly by the events that took place. If you are to visit the location today in your New York car rental, you will see an cleared space that has been reserved for as a memorial for those that lost their lives that day.
September 12, 2007
Heroes 4: Citizens On The Pier
Yet another hero has emerged! And this one has water powers.
Surfer saves dog swept off pier by waveGRAND HAVEN, Mich. - A surfer rode a wave on his stomach to reach and rescue a struggling dog that had been swept off a Lake Michigan pier by a big wave.
Matt Smolenski, 25, of Grand Haven said he grabbed the pooch's collar just as the exhausted, black-and-brown mixed breed stopped dog-paddling on Tuesday afternoon.
"He put the dog up on his surfboard, and the dog rode the surfboard in to shore," Royce Rodgers, an off-duty Muskegon Heights police officer who witnessed the rescue, told The Muskegon Chronicle for a story published Wednesday.
As the dog hung 20, Smolenski held onto the board from the water, fighting large waves and a strong current all the way to shore.
...
"The dog was trying to swim, but the waves were very large. It was struggling," Rodgers said. "The owner was screaming for the dog."
The owner quickly thanked Smolenski and gave him a high five. He then "left so fast, I couldn't get his name," Rodgers said.
How's that for gratitude? A high-five and he's gone.
Thanks, Polish Surfer!
I have to admit - The Polish Surfer is not nearly as cool as Sparky, Bao, and Savage, but then again, heroes with water powers are always the lamest. Mostly because in order to be effective, evil has to get in the water.
Maybe the dog can become his sidekick?
"I will stop all evil in this current!"
September 05, 2007
THEM Open
I got to go to the US Open today! I've never been before because I am not made of money and I don't own an appropriate hat. Of course the US Open is a jam-packed celebrity-fueled free-for-all (and other hyphenated words), so getting tickets is almost impossible - as you can see in this pic taken from the very top row of Arthur Ashe Stadium.
Everyone's out buying crepes!
We actually had pretty good seats a few rows from the court (thank you, friend with a connection to an unnamed sporting goods company!). I rubbed elbows with all sorts of drunk, open-collared Arab men, babies dressed in designer duds, and elderly ladies upset they were not going to get to see "Roderick." It was tough to fit in, but at one point my cellphone rang and I rushed out of the stadium screaming, "I said sell, you bastard! Sell!" so I don't think anyone suspected for a second that often eat frozen burritos for breakfast.
So many appropriate hats!
August 30, 2007
Mustang Tally
Last year, I traveled to the west coast and learned a few things about Los Angeles and its doughnuts.
I just spent nine more days in Los Angeles, mostly driving a rented convertible Ford Mustang from one studio lot to another. In fact, when I think of the blurry whirlwind that was my trip, all I really remember is driving. The following map outlines all the roads we used.
We used all the roads.
Here are a few other things I learned about LA and its arid surroundings:
--If your waitress is not the smartest person in the world and you jokingly place an order for nine hamburgers - a few minutes later she will bring you nine hamburgers.
--The Fear Factor Live show at Universal Studios is like a glimpse into a petri dish of sadness.
--If you don't want to try to explain the fact that you placed the order for nine hamburgers as a joke to a waitress who is definitely not smart, you will have to cancel the ahi tuna salad you ordered and instead do your best to consume nine hamburgers.
--Local Los Angelenos will excitedly tell you "Oh, you have to go to The Grove!" But The Grove is basically just an outdoor mall. Which tells you a lot about the level of exciting things to visit in Los Angeles.
--Chances are, you could, at some point, end up asking yourself, "Why would any human, no matter their level of intelligence, think that one person would want to eat nine hamburgers?" and you may ask yourself this while you eat nine hamburgers.
August 06, 2007
Heroes 3: The Search For Savage
My efforts to compile a list of all the actual Heroes among us has led me to another.
Matthew Savage joins Bao Xishun and Steven Johnson (AKA Sparky) in the battle against evil.
S.C. teen falls 6 stories, walks awayMYRTLE BEACH, S.C. - A teenager fell six stories from a hotel balcony but walked away with just bruises and scrapes.
Matthew Savage, 17, was reaching up to a balcony one floor above to grab a bathing suit that had fluttered down from the 11th floor when he tumbled over the railing Friday.
The teen, from Gainesville, Ga., hit other balconies on his way down and slammed onto a slanted rooftop, then slid into bushes.
"I just closed my eyes," Savage said, nursing scrapes and bruises on his back and legs.
After landing in the bushes, he got up and started walking back to his room. But paramedics strapped him to a board and flew him to a hospital, where tests showed he was fine.
And so a new hero emerges by the name of Savage.
But when will Savage, Sparky, and Bao be called into action? Perhaps only this man knows:
Can I have your kidney?
July 23, 2007
Man vs. Mild
I have not posted here in awhile because I have been busy watching every existing episode of the Discovery Channel's "Man vs. Wild." This is the show in which the devastatingly handsome Bear Grylls (former UK special ops...guy) gets dropped into hellish surroundings and shows YOU how to survive.
It's really addictive watching Bear drink his own piss, suck water out of elephant dung, stab turtles, and make rope out of vines (less addictive, that last one).
Well - turns out all of Bear's survival hi jinx may not be so...necessary for his survival.
London's Daily Mail ran this article today:
How Bear Grylls the Born Survivor roughed it - in hotels By TOM KELLY and SAM GREENHILLTo viewers of his TV series, Bear Grylls is the daredevil adventurer who catapults himself into world's worst 'hellholes' and then survives on his wits alone.
But it has emerged that far from roughing it in brutal environments, the former SAS man actually spent nights in hotels during filming of his Channel 4 show.
The Eton- educated 33-year- old is also alleged to have choreographed parts of Born Survivor, with many of his spectacular stunts carefully set up by the production crew.
Channel 4 last night began an investigation into the claims, which follow a number of embarrassing incidents in which programmes screened by the station were found to have misled the public.
Grylls's show attracted 1.4million viewers when it was shown in March and April, with audiences enthralled as he demonstrated gruesome survival tips that included sucking the fluid from fish eyeballs and squeezing water from animal dung.
But an adviser to Born Survivor yesterday claimed that many of his other escapades were not exactly as they seemed on TV.
In one episode filmed in California's Sierra Nevada mountains he was shown biting off the head of a snake for breakfast and boasting that he was living on 'just a water bottle, a cup and a flint for making fire'.
Viewers were not told that he was actually spending some nights in the Pines Resort hotel at Bass Lake, where the rooms have Internet access and is advertised as 'a cosy getaway for families' complete with blueberry pancakes for breakfast.
In another episode when Grylls declared he was a 'real life Robinson Crusoe' stuck on a desert island, he was actually on an outlying part of the Hawaiian archipelago and retired to a motel at nightfall.
Mark Weinert, a survival consultant brought in for the programme, said one show also wrongly gave the impression that the adventurer built a Polynesian- style raft using only materials around him, including bamboo and palm leaves for a sail.
Mr Weinert had in fact led a team that built the raft, which was then dismantled so that Grylls could be shown constructing it on camera.
In another episode, Grylls was filmed attempting to lasso 'wild' mustang in the Sierra Nevada, when the horses were actually tame and had been brought in by trailer from a nearby trekking station.
'If you really believe everything happens the way it is shown on TV, you are being a little bit naive,' Mr Weinert told the Sunday Times.
Channel 4 confirmed that Grylls had used hotels during expeditions and ordered the production company that made the programme to investigate the other claims.
A spokesman said: 'We take any allegations of misleading our audiences seriously.
'Bear does do all his own stunts and does put himself in perilous situations.
'But Born Survivor is not an observational documentary series but a "how to" guide to basic survival techniques in extreme environments. The programme explicitly does not claim that presenter Bear Grylls's experience is one of unaided solo survival.'
Grylls had earlier told how Channel 4 bosses had pitched the series to him, saying: 'We just drop you into a lot of different hellholes equipped with nothing, and you do what you have to do to survive.'
Last week Channel 4 had to apologise after it emerged that when Gordon Ramsay was shown appearing to spear a sea bass off the English coast for an episode of The F Word, the scene had been faked.
This month, the operators of the Richard & Judy premium rate TV quiz were hit with a record fine of £150,000 for a phone-in scandal.
Viewers had been urged to call in to the competition even though the shortlist of winners was closed.
When a man is starving to death on camera and he kills a rabbit by throwing a giant stick at it just so he can eat, it's total badass. But when that man is spending the night in a hotel after dinner - it's pretty much a dick move.
Looks like I'm going to have to switch my allegiance to Survivorman.
